In the nicest possible way of course

So I got home yesterday to find a rejection message on my answering machine from a pretty major theatre company.  It's kind of like getting slapped, but you're slapped by Angelina Jolie, and she's wearing a velvet glove, and nothing else.

I mean, I'm trying to stay positive and see the bright side where its an honour that they went out of their way to call me, but underneath it's still hard.  Despite a mission (which has lasted more than a decade) to get better at dealing with rejection, it still eats at me.  Steals my enthusiasm for other projects - which makes me even more grumpy, if that's possible.  And all the successes in the world don't seem to take the edge off.

So no, I didn't go to the hardware store tonight - I went home and sulked.

It begins - 101@0.4%

Okay.   Today I starting working on a rough plan for how to achieve my 101 goals and there's going to be a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get through all this.  My reading and writing goals will particularly be a challenge.  According to my spreadsheet I'm currently 0.4% of the way done, mostly because I already know two of the seven song set I'd like to have memorized for piano.

Yes he made a spreadsheet to monitor the percent complete at all times.  Yes he is aware this makes him a dork.  I'm betting he can't clear 75%.

But hey, updating my blog for the week - that's another little tick.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Or as Arnold would say: "Go!  Get to da choppa!"

101 in 1001

So Lady Rose and I are doing the 101 in 1001 thing.  If you haven't heard of it look it up.  In any case, here are some goals I am going to try to achieve in the next 1001 days.  I'll update as appropriate.

1.                  read three Shakespeare plays that I haven’t read or seen before

2.                  fix the furnace humidifier and maintain the filter

3.                  complete edits on my novel

4.                  comment in writing to the manager on good retail service three times

5.                  floss every day for three months

6.                  weigh 235 pounds

7.                  learn and memorize a seven song piano set

8.                  go to bed and get up at the same time every day for a month

9.                  paint / stain the deck

10.              pay twenty five cents from allowance for each plastic bag I accept and donate the proceeds to an environmental organization

11.              go on five new hikes

12.              make a new friend

13.              get a shower timer

14.              finish discussing my novel with Dad

15.              take at most five-minute showers for one month

16.              clear all twenty-seven books from by “to read” shelf before adding any more

17.              have meals with five interesting people I’ve never dined with before

18.              go to a hockey game

19.              use transit for a non-work trip three times

20.              get to work on time using transit three times

21.              go to an improv night

22.              write a first draft of a new novel

23.              respond to all personal emails within 24 hours for three months

24.              create a house-number feature for the front yard

25.              go for lunch with a coworker, once a month for six months

26.              paint three paintings

27.              spend a day in three Alberta towns

28.              discuss plays with Dad, once per reading or production he attends

29.              pick up garbage in my community or public parks five times

30.              find out my blood type

31.              memorize five stanzas from the Tao Te Ching that speak to me

32.              go to a modern dance show

33.              go to the Winnipeg Fringe

34.              build shoe-shelves in front entryway

35.              email three out-of-town friends at least once per quarter for a year

36.              leave no clothes on the floor for a month

37.              read a philosophy book

38.              send birthday cards to twelve extended family members that live in other cities

39.              go to a community association meeting

40.              join a writing group

41.              talk with Dad about his poetry writing

42.              fix lip at top of basement stairs

43.              walk to the video store three times

44.              weigh 220 pounds

45.              write five ten-minute plays

46.              go to a poetry slam

47.              put up a drying line

48.              meditate for 30 minutes twice a week for three months

49.              get a good headshot taken

50.              swim in a naturally occurring body of water

51.              read three Folio Society books

52.              update my blog weekly

53.              go to a baseball game

54.              update my facebook weekly

55.              visit five art galleries in Calgary

56.              walk to the grocery store three times

57.              go to Vancouver just to visit family and friends (not wedding or seasonal)

58.              install railing on front steps

59.              join a federal political party

60.              go to a riding association meeting

61.              find three new bands that I like

62.              put in a better mailbox

63.              score three goals in a soccer season

64.              go to the orchestra

65.              play with the cats at least ten minutes a day for a month

66.              direct a play

67.              go to the Edmonton Fringe

68.              go for dinner with my parents once per month for six months

69.              write two one-act plays

70.              set up home office space in basement

71.              read a book by Dickens

72.              join a theatre group

73.              sort out comics

74.              make lamps out of three unusual things

75.              work out three times a week for three months

76.              clean my desk at work by end of day Friday every week for 10 weeks

77.              build storage shelves in garage

78.              go to the opera

79.              write a new full length play

80.              watch the entire Xena: Warrior Princess series

81.              phone my sister three times with no occasion

82.              learn basic French

83.              read “How to Fix Everything”

84.              take three steps to make the house more energy or water efficient

85.              write a new piece for piano

86.              go without speaking for 48 hours

87.              watch the Godfather parts I and II

88.              go berry picking

89.              write another new full length play

90.              install a rain barrel

91.              read FFWD every week for three months

92.              attend a rally in support of a cause

93.              coordinate gaming events at least once a month for a year

94.              drink 5 cups of water or tea every day for a month

95.              weigh 210 pounds

96.              write a review of something once a month for six months

97.              learn to take pictures in low light

98.              write three short stories

99.              go to Ottawa

100.          write three essays

101.          take three photos nice enough to frame and hang in my office at work

I'm not sure I have much more to say on this at the moment.  I'm still working on an excel spreadsheet to track my percent complete.  

Flourescent Bulbs are Stupid

Today at lunch I read an article in MacLeans that really disturbed me. The critical fun-fact: if every household in America changed one light-bulb from regular to the new low-energy fluorescent bulb, the energy savings would be a bit less than the emissions of two medium sized coal-fired electricity generation plants. You might think that’s a lot, but consider: China is opening two new medium sized coal-fired electricity generation plants A WEEK.

The average house has, what, forty or fifty light-bulbs in it? That means that a complete overhaul of all American residences retrofitting every single bulb would cover the cost of this one source of growth in CO2 emissions on our planet for roughly one year.

At the end of that year, the lightbulb gambit would be played out. But they won’t stop building powerplants in China. So unless somebody stops them, we might as well forget changing bulbs, because it won’t make a lick of difference over the span of 20 years.

And then, for us Canadians, there’s the problem that the argument against regular bulbs doesn’t make sense for much of the year. The supposed problem with the bulbs is that they “waste” energy creating heat. How am I better off replacing a heat producing bulb with a cool bulb, and then increasing the use of my gas furnace to make up the difference? Normal bulbs are only “wasting” heat if I’m not using the heat. So as long as I don’t leave the lights on when I leave, my regular bulbs appear just as efficient for all the months where it is colder than room temperature, which is about nine of the months in Calgary. Even in summer, in my house we really only turn on the lights when the sun goes down, which is generally when our house cools to the point where it might need heating. Switching to fluorescent bulbs is therefore only nominally more efficient than my current energy consumption.

In a broader sense, the problem seems to me to be that we have been pitched the idea that we can combat global warming with energy efficient bulbs, and hanging lines for laundry, and hybrid cars when these technologies will not make any significant percentage difference when you consider that both the population and the average energy demand per person are growing on a global scale with no sign of reversing or even slowing. The efficiency myth tells us that if we operate more efficiently we can overcome the problem. Efficiency is not the problem. How we generate energy is the problem.

I believe that people are increasingly concerned about the environment. They are open to alternatives and they ask “what can I do?” The thing that made me cry in the car on the way back to work was the realization that all that good will is for nothing. We are being offered a solution to participate in but that solution is a lie.

Nothing you change about the way you live will save us from climate change. We are already in way too deep. The energy requirements for the next 10 billion people to join the population of this planet dwarf many times over everything efficiency can accomplish.

If there is a solution – IF there is a solution – then it is going to have to come from science. From finding a new way to collect and distribute energy. We should be spending hundreds of billions of dollars on this starting now and continuing every year until we find it. There is literally no cause more important that this. If we fail 80% of the world’s population is going to die and society as we understand it will end. Emission reduction targets for 2050 are a joke. They are a lie that is going to kill all of us if we don’t wake up right now.

Elizabeth May, David Suzuki, Al Gore. Please lead us somewhere useful for a change.

My Soccer Team Blows

My soccer team blows this season. Last season we pulled a 50% win average to finish about mid-way in our league. This year we've played 5 games and tied once. Perhaps its because our field alignment is so intent on trying to stop the other team from scoring that we're like a catholic school-girl letting a boy have his way with her top half becuase she's too busy using both hands to cover her dewflap, or it could be because half the team is standing around on the field yelling at the other half to run after the guy they should have gotten themselves, or maybe its because nobody passes the ball, but maybe its just because we're old and we don't practice and we have no team spirit at all.

Feh.

I have a new camera

Ian does not.

Letting out my inner emo

Three levels of mind operate at the same time.

Primal.
Mechanical.
Spiritual.

The trick with dealing with my current crisis,
I think,
is to figure out which of these levels
is out of whack.

Or perhaps they are all out of whack?
And where is whack, anyway,
and why can't I just
be
happy.