Work versus "the work"

I'm writing a book. It's funny - I'm almost 90,000 words into the thing and it still feels like hubris to say so. Like I should hedge my bets - "I'm trying to write a book" - in case I still somehow give up on the thing. But it feels like its got momentum now.

Anyhoo, things have gotten really busy at work. The crazy big boss is throwing tasks around like grenades while everyone else scrambles to keep their other projects on track despite the extra work. I'm going to have to work overtime just to get it done which cuts into the non-work time of my life.

And I resent that. I'm still working on my book anyway - but I'm tired a lot of the time, and irritated about the politics and conflicts of the office, and I worry that it will steal the sharpness out of my writing.

In some ways I wish I could quit and just do what I love. But I like having a home. A lot. And food is good too. And all the things that money provides. Maybe what I resent most of all is a world that makes these things incompatible.

Someday, I say. Someday.

How long can a myth keep you going?

Long enough to finish a book, anyway.

Chastized

So I've been chastized (again) for not updating my blog. Okay - here goes.

Work is so weird lately - crazybirdlady went on vacation leaving behind a trail of half finished yet vaguely urgent projects and a half finished fight with the robotfromanotherplanet. So I had to scramble to keep the peace and the pieces and managed to be variously busy and bored out of my skull until she returned. The unspoken politics continue, but at least I've been busy with my own crap.

Last weekend was a wedding (the good twin) which was both less inappropriate than expected given the groom and his brothers sense of humour, and less stuffy than expected given the extended families. I, for one, couldn't give a flying crap how things are done in Scotland, but apparently this wedding had to be the last bastion of Scotsdom in western canada. I did end up acting as an usher at the last moment which was no big deal. Having been involved in a healthy number of weddings so far I know how they're supposed to work. I'm mostly just glad that the dramatics are over. Plus it was fun being drunk and trying to hail a cab downtown, on the same night that the flames won a game. (Their last, as it turned out.)

I feel vaguely ill and intend to cash that into a partial day off tomorrow.

I'm a little whiney these days (what else is new) because none of the people I emailed the latest chapter of my novel to sent me comments back. Except for my most loyal friend, and he only sent a note indicating he had read it. This is not turning out to be a very effective support system. I start feeling angry every time I open my email. But then, what the fuck am I being such a baby about? It's not like I ever email any of them on a regular basis.

I don't even blog on a regular basis.

Ah well. Maybe I'll get some more spog with this post.